We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
