omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
