I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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