sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
