WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
