Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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