please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
