i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
