She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
