there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
