and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
