Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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