I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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