I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
