I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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