i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
