I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
