thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
