marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
