I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
