Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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