he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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