So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
