Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
