i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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