is your mom at the bar?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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