I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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