Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
