i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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