Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
