Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
