Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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