girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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