I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize