You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
