Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
