I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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