well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
