All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
