Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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