Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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