My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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