You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
