He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
