Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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