Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
