he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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