i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will pee on everything he values.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
