It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
