Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We left the knife in your bed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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