Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
