I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
