she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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