I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk is not a location!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
