People in love make me want to vomit
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
