sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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