i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
