You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize