remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
