i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
