I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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