remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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