is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My bed smells like the plague
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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