He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
